Becoming You Isn’t Selfish—It’s Essential. Personal transformation for women

Bill Gove said - "If I want to be free, I've got to be me. Not the me you think I should be, not the me I think my wife thinks I should be, not the me I think my kids think I should be. If I want to be free, I've got to be me so I better know who me is".

Most of us will go through life living someone else’s version of it.

Not because we want to, but because we don’t know any different and this has been instilled in us since the moment we are born.

Why do we allow ourselves to go through life living someone else’s version of it?  Why do we allow ourselves to be a bit player in our own lives, instead of being the leading character?

We live the life that has been mapped out for us from generations of our ancestors, thinking their thoughts, following their habits, things that have been indoctrinated in us from birth.

Or we live the lives expected of us by teachers, careers, partners, family.  Or we live through our children, encouraging them to do things, we haven’t the courage to do ourselves.

I always wanted to be a fashion designer, but was told by my school that it wasn’t a “proper” job for young ladies, so I ended up training as a PA.  It took me years of boring jobs for me to finally break free and follow my dream and even then, when things got tough, the expectation was to go back to my “proper” job instead of being encouraged to stay and fight for my dream.

Why do we do this?  The desire to conform? Lack of courage? Complacency?

In the film Shirley Valentine, Willy Russell wrote "I have allowed myself to lead this little life, when inside me there was so much more. And it's all gone unused. And now it never will be". 

I think that is such a sad thing to say and one I hear said in other ways, by so many of my clients and friends.  When we delve in to why someone has a bad body image, or dresses the way they do, even though it isn’t what they want, it is always because of some belief ingrained in them, or some expectation from their family or friends.  And a lot of the time it comes from someone else’s own problems and triggers – they keep you down, so they don’t have to feel bad about not raising themselves up.

But to truly be free and happy and to have that in-built self confidence that can carry you through any situation, you have to be YOU.

Unlock Your Essence

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So, how can we begin to find out who we are and guard against exterior influences?

Here are my three hacks to help you start to becoming you.

1.   Don’t care what people think of you.  You would be amazed if you knew how few people do actually think at all!  It is also amazing how we let ourselves be held back from doing things, wearing things, thinking things, just because we are worried about other people’s reaction.  Why does it matter?  We should be the only ones who have any control over what we do, wear, think.  As long as we are not being offensive or hurting we need to learn to do what we want to do and be who we want to be without worrying “what the neighbours think”!

Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway. - Eleanor Roosevelt

2.   Don’t envy – Don’t waste your time thinking that others are better, smarter, thinner, happier than you.  The important person is YOU.  How you feel about yourself.  If you want to change, do it because YOU want to, for your own reasons, not anyone else’s or because of anyone else.  And remember, the fabulous lives that are shown on social media are well thought out, stylised photos – a bit like a swan gliding across the water, with their feet paddling madly underneath.

Envy rots our bones (Proverbs 14:30) 

Don’t compare – comparison is the thief of joy.  As soon as you start comparing yourself to others, you will lose all the joy out of your life.  Discontent will seep into every day and stops you enjoying the life you have.

3.   Surround yourself only with people who have their own goals and ambitions, people who will appreciate you for who you are and what you are trying to achieve.  Don’t tell anyone what you are trying to achieve in re-finding yourself – They will try to talk you out of it, make you feel silly, disrupt it in any way they can, because it will make THEM feel uncomfortable.

So many people from my past taught me that it's not everyone that's in my life wants to see me achieve my goals and be great, but I thank God they're no longer in my life because I moved on a long time ago, welcome to my present. - Werley Nortreus

Personal transformation for women - If you would like help on your journey to rediscover you and your style, then I would love to help -

An easy first step to feeling more like you again.

If you’ve been feeling a little lost in your wardrobe—or in yourself—Unlock Your Essence is the perfect gentle introduction to reconnecting with your style. In these focused, 60-minute 1:1 Zoom sessions, we’ll explore your current style, uncover what’s holding you back, and identify the key pieces and shapes that align with the woman you want to become.

Think of it as your style awakening: light, supportive, and designed to give you a spark of clarity and confidence—with just the right touch of Italian elegance. You’ll walk away with fresh insight, a personalized mini mood board, and actionable tips you can use right away.

Unlock Your Essence

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