Becoming Me in Italy: A Life Changing Journey In Italy

Moving to Italy as an expat woman - I can remember the day we originally left for Italy as if it was yesterday.  It was VERY early in the morning, and we drove off in our 4x4 with a horse trailer on the back full of the necessities for 3 months, 2 dogs tucked in the back of the car amongst cases and bags and our 4-year-old son, strapped into his seat.  My parents were standing on the doorstep sleepily waving goodbye.

It was an incredibly bittersweet moment, as on one hand we were so excited for our new life, but on the other hand, my mother had just been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and it was very hard to leave her.

The drive over was not without incident – in fact I could probably write a whole book on that journey alone! – but we eventually got to our destination; a rented house in the hills above Lake Trasimeno.  We were staying there for 3 months, whilst we house hunted.

I don’t think I had ever felt so adrift in all my life.  I was the only one of the three of us who spoke any sort of Italian and the responsibility hit me like a brick!  It was January and we hadn’t expected Italy to be so cold!  We had a few contacts there, who were ex-pats, but apart from that, we knew no one.

Again, the stories I could tell of those three months would fill another book!  Like the time our Jack Russell picked up some poisoned meat and we had to make a mercy dash to the nearest vet, not knowing where on earth one was!  Or the time we ventured to an English speaking church, where there was a dead saint’s embalmed body in a glass box at the front of the church and a retired opera singer who insisted on singing every hymn loudly and VERY slowly, which ended up in the organist threatening to walk out.  Experiences of all types that enriched and emboldened us.

The great Philosopher Epictetus said “Circumstances don't make the man, they only reveal him to himself.”

― Epictetus

Rediscovering yourself in midlife: He is so right.  Italy was where I found myself.  The real me was revealed and I found that I liked her, I recognised her and I had REALLY missed her.

To be honest I didn’t, until that point, realise that I had lost myself, but when I had that feeling I’d come home, that I felt complete, that I really liked the person I was there, and my petals started to unfurl to show the real me – then I understood how lost I had been.

Living your essence in Italy: All at once I knew who that real me was, the authentic person at my very core.  The person I had once been but had got lost in all the flotsam of life.  The expectations of others, careers, relationships, motherhood, deep-seated emotional triggers, had all chipped away at that core person, until its shape was un-recognisable.  Had I not had the good fortune of going to live in Italy, I could have probably plodded on for ever, remaining in that shape, happy-ish, but feeling ever so slightly dissatisfied and ill-at-ease, as if I was an imposter in my own life.

A life changing in Italy. Time has moved on and we have been in Italy on and off for more than 20 years and now embarking on another chapter and moving back out to our beloved Tarquinia, so I can grow my business in the Country that inspires it.  I have so many clients who are moving out there, who have already made that jump, or who are more than happy to just dream about it.  And they are my main focus.  Helping them find themselves – find their true essence – and start to live the life they were always destined for.  Once they have made that change, that shift, and start to dress for that person, the effects on every area of their life is transformational and what makes my job so wonderful!

Again, as that amazing Philosopher says –

“Know, first, who you are, and then adorn yourself accordingly.”― Epictetus

I would go one step further though – imagine now who you want to be and start dressing for that person straight away and you will soon become her. 

You have to, it is the law of vibration. 

How exciting is that?!! 😉😎

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 You might be interested to read - Guide to dressing like an Italian

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• #ExpatWomenItaly

• #ItalianStyleJourney

• #MidlifeInItaly

• #LivingItalianEssence

• #ReclaimYourStyle

• #ConfidenceAfter40

• #ItalianLifeTransformation

What All Women Can Learn from Roman Street Style - fashion inspiration

There’s something about Roman women, isn’t there? The way they walk down the street—confident, polished, completely at ease in their skin. It’s not about chasing trends or wearing designer labels. It’s about presence. Effortless elegance. A sense of identity that shows up in how they dress.

If you're an American woman living in Italy—or dreaming of it—you’ve probably noticed it, too. And maybe you’ve wondered how to tap into that same energy, especially if your own style’s taken a backseat over the years.

The truth is: Roman street style isn’t just for the Italians. There’s so much we can learn from observing how these women show up in the world—starting with how they get dressed each day.

Here are five things that really stand out to me every time I walk the streets of Rome.

1. Fit is Everything

Roman women know their bodies. They don’t hide under oversized clothes, and they don’t squeeze into things that don’t fit. Their outfits are tailored, flattering, and look like they were made just for them.

Try this: Stop defaulting to loose layers and start experimenting with structure—think a well-fitted blazer or high-waisted trousers that define your shape. Clothes should work with your body, not against it.

2. Neutrals, But Make Them Chic

Black, white, beige, navy—you see them everywhere. But it never looks boring. It looks elegant. Romans know how to mix textures and fabrics to create interest, even when the color palette is simple.

Try this: Start with a capsule of versatile neutrals. Then layer in interesting textures—like a cashmere sweater with crisp cotton trousers or a leather jacket over a silky blouse.

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3. Accessories Are the Finishing Touch

A great pair of sunglasses, a beautiful bag, or a scarf tied just so—these little details go a long way. They make the simplest outfit look intentional.

Try this: Choose one or two accessories you love and wear them often. Quality matters more than quantity here. Italian style is never about excess—it’s about meaningful pieces.

4. Shoes That Work Hard and Look Good

Roman women are always on the move, but their shoes? Stylish and totally practical. Loafers, elegant sneakers, ankle boots—you’ll rarely see worn-out gym shoes or flip-flops unless they’re actually at the gym or beach. There is NO excuse for ugly shoes!

Try this: Invest in a couple of pairs of well-made shoes that can handle city streets but still make you feel put together. Trust me, the right shoes can change how you feel in your whole outfit.

5. It’s How They Carry Themselves

The most stylish women I see in Rome? They’re not necessarily in designer outfits. It’s the way they hold themselves. There’s a quiet confidence in the way they move. They dress like they know who they are.

Try this: Style is about more than clothes. It’s about how you show up. Start by dressing for the woman you want to be—not the one you feel stuck in. That shift alone can be transformative.

Remember, all women can learn from Roman street style!

A Little Closing Thought:

How to dress like an Italian woman. You don’t have to be born in Italy to embrace this way of showing up. You can begin today—by paying attention to what lights you up, by choosing clothes that reflect you, and by letting go of the guilt around wanting to feel beautiful again.

If this resonates, I’ve created something just for you: 5 Must-have pieces for every expat wardrobe in Italy—a free mini workbook with the 5 most important things to have in your new Italian wardrobe.[Link to download]

And if you’re ready for deeper support, my signature program The Essence of You is now open. It’s designed to help you rediscover who you are and dress for the woman you were always meant to be.

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• #RomanStreetStyle

• #ItalianFashionInspo

• #StyleAfter40

• #DressLikeAnItalian

• #ChicNotComplicated

• #ItalianStyleSecrets

• #EffortlessElegance

Becoming You Isn’t Selfish—It’s Essential. Personal transformation for women

Bill Gove said - "If I want to be free, I've got to be me. Not the me you think I should be, not the me I think my wife thinks I should be, not the me I think my kids think I should be. If I want to be free, I've got to be me so I better know who me is".

Most of us will go through life living someone else’s version of it.

Not because we want to, but because we don’t know any different and this has been instilled in us since the moment we are born.

Why do we allow ourselves to go through life living someone else’s version of it?  Why do we allow ourselves to be a bit player in our own lives, instead of being the leading character?

We live the life that has been mapped out for us from generations of our ancestors, thinking their thoughts, following their habits, things that have been indoctrinated in us from birth.

Or we live the lives expected of us by teachers, careers, partners, family.  Or we live through our children, encouraging them to do things, we haven’t the courage to do ourselves.

I always wanted to be a fashion designer, but was told by my school that it wasn’t a “proper” job for young ladies, so I ended up training as a PA.  It took me years of boring jobs for me to finally break free and follow my dream and even then, when things got tough, the expectation was to go back to my “proper” job instead of being encouraged to stay and fight for my dream.

Why do we do this?  The desire to conform? Lack of courage? Complacency?

In the film Shirley Valentine, Willy Russell wrote "I have allowed myself to lead this little life, when inside me there was so much more. And it's all gone unused. And now it never will be". 

I think that is such a sad thing to say and one I hear said in other ways, by so many of my clients and friends.  When we delve in to why someone has a bad body image, or dresses the way they do, even though it isn’t what they want, it is always because of some belief ingrained in them, or some expectation from their family or friends.  And a lot of the time it comes from someone else’s own problems and triggers – they keep you down, so they don’t have to feel bad about not raising themselves up.

But to truly be free and happy and to have that in-built self confidence that can carry you through any situation, you have to be YOU.

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So, how can we begin to find out who we are and guard against exterior influences?

Here are my three hacks to help you start to becoming you.

1.   Don’t care what people think of you.  You would be amazed if you knew how few people do actually think at all!  It is also amazing how we let ourselves be held back from doing things, wearing things, thinking things, just because we are worried about other people’s reaction.  Why does it matter?  We should be the only ones who have any control over what we do, wear, think.  As long as we are not being offensive or hurting we need to learn to do what we want to do and be who we want to be without worrying “what the neighbours think”!

Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway. - Eleanor Roosevelt

2.   Don’t envy – Don’t waste your time thinking that others are better, smarter, thinner, happier than you.  The important person is YOU.  How you feel about yourself.  If you want to change, do it because YOU want to, for your own reasons, not anyone else’s or because of anyone else.  And remember, the fabulous lives that are shown on social media are well thought out, stylised photos – a bit like a swan gliding across the water, with their feet paddling madly underneath.

Envy rots our bones (Proverbs 14:30) 

Don’t compare – comparison is the thief of joy.  As soon as you start comparing yourself to others, you will lose all the joy out of your life.  Discontent will seep into every day and stops you enjoying the life you have.

3.   Surround yourself only with people who have their own goals and ambitions, people who will appreciate you for who you are and what you are trying to achieve.  Don’t tell anyone what you are trying to achieve in re-finding yourself – They will try to talk you out of it, make you feel silly, disrupt it in any way they can, because it will make THEM feel uncomfortable.

So many people from my past taught me that it's not everyone that's in my life wants to see me achieve my goals and be great, but I thank God they're no longer in my life because I moved on a long time ago, welcome to my present. - Werley Nortreus

Personal transformation for women - If you would like help on your journey to rediscover you and your style, then I would love to help -

An easy first step to feeling more like you again.

If you’ve been feeling a little lost in your wardrobe—or in yourself—Unlock Your Essence is the perfect gentle introduction to reconnecting with your style. In these focused, 60-minute 1:1 Zoom sessions, we’ll explore your current style, uncover what’s holding you back, and identify the key pieces and shapes that align with the woman you want to become.

Think of it as your style awakening: light, supportive, and designed to give you a spark of clarity and confidence—with just the right touch of Italian elegance. You’ll walk away with fresh insight, a personalized mini mood board, and actionable tips you can use right away.

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