How Mindset Is All Important - Empowerment for Midlife Women

The Midlife Mindset Makeover: Thriving in Your Prime

Art is good for the soul and for your mental health - stay with me on this one ...!

This has been scientifically proven, but I don’t need any sort of report or Government Enquiry for me to know that I always feel so much better mentally when I have been to an art gallery, visited a museum, gone to a classical concert or watched the ballet or opera.  There is something about the arts that speaks to me.  They still my mind and calm my soul on the one hand, but also stimulate me and inspire me on the other.

And in Italy, of course, you are surrounded by art, culture, and beauty wherever you go.  Even in a small, tucked away hill town, you will find stunning artistic works in the humblest of churches.  The countryside is breathtaking and everywhere you turn you will find another wonder to marvel at.  And it heals me every time I go there.

As Tennessee Williams said in his Memoirs - "As soon as I crossed the Italian border, my health and life seemed to be magically restored. There was the sun and there were the smiling Italians.” 

And I feel just the same. 

I am incredibly lucky that part of my life is spent living and working there. As soon as I step off the plane, or cross the border in a car, I, like Ilene Modica (Our Italian Journey) feel like I am home.  A sense of completeness comes over me and I like the person that I am when I am there.

What it is that makes me feel like that is hard to put my finger on, but it is like the final part of the jigsaw has been slotted into place.

Mental health is very much a hot topic at the moment and rightly so.  We, especially women, have a tendency to put everyone else first, fit so much into our days, find it hard to say no and end up running ourselves ragged, day in and day out.  We also have been programmed to feel guilty of spending time on ourselves, and also money on ourselves.  Investing in ourselves is bottom of the list and even gets pushed off this position when something else comes up.

But our mental health should be top of our list.  We need to start to look after ourselves and putting ourselves first.  As the saying goes “you can’t drink from an empty cup”, so in order to be able to give to others, we need to replenish our own reserves.  We need to change our mindset and re-frame our internal conversations, so that we acknowledge that we are important, and we deserve to be treated by ourselves, the way we treat others!

My happy place - Tarquinia!

As I say, I am very lucky that I have found my happy place and can make it my home and I realise that not many people have that same kind of freedom.  But I do believe that it is possible to still find yourself and obtain that sense of completeness by setting out to find who you really are.  That person may have been mislaid through the years, but he/she is still there, under all the layers of responsibility, broken dreams, different turns and decisions that have had to be made along the way.  To do this you have to strip back all the layers, lay to rest all the triggers that affect your mindset and remove the negative energy from people around you. 

It takes time and is an emotional journey, but the end result, of a more confident, positive and empowered you, is worth it.  YOU are worth it. You need to find who you are at the core because that person will never change.  It might be pushed out of shape a bit through the years and it may have been pushed right down to the bottom of your to-do list, but when you find it again, you will then have that coming home feeling.  Everything will suddenly fall into place and your self-confidence and self-assurance will come back. 

We have two images, the outer image we portray with our clothes and the inner image that is in our head.  These two may not coincide!  Have you ever had the feeling in your head that you look like, say, Audrey Hepburn, in the outfit you are wearing and how it is making you feel, but you catch sight of yourself in a shop window and look so totally different from that internal image, you feel disorientated and completely deflated?

One’s self-image can be so powerful that people have been known to see themselves as having no legs and don’t feel complete until they have their legs amputated!  This is a condition known as Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) and although this is obviously a very extreme case, it serves to show how powerful your internal image can be.

If you see yourself, in your internal image, as a fat, frumpy 50 something woman, then until that internal image has been reformed, you are never going to feel comfortable or happy in your outer image.

Some people feel ugly on the inside, but can be considered extremely beautiful, or are considered plain on the outside, but feel internally very beautiful.  The internal image is the strongest – no matter how you look externally, if you feel beautiful and worthy on the inside, this is going to shine out of you and dazzle everyone you meet.

This is where Style Coaching differs from image consultancy.  We help to change that internal image to a positive one. No amount of change of clothes, hairstyle or cosmetic surgery will help if this isn’t done first.

I would be honoured to go with you on your journey to find the you that is at your core - for more information click here or email me at info@elinorsalter.com

You might like to read Finding Your Brand Style

Finding your Brand Style

Whether you are employed or work for yourself your brand image is very important - here's how to do it

You only get one chance at a first impression - You will probably have heard that expression, but it is oh so true and can bear being repeated.

How you present yourself to the world, tells so many stories about you before you even open your mouth.  In fact, people will make their minds up about you almost from first setting eyes on you.

So, you really have to think about what impression you want to make and what story you want to tell. 

This is especially true in the workplace.  Again, the phrase “dress for the job you want” will be familiar to you, but again it is true.  No one is going to take you seriously if you are in a professional environment but yet you dress casually or scruffily.  You might say to yourself - well, it is my work they should be looking at, not how I dress. 

Whilst this is partly true, I always use this analogy – You are looking at two houses with a view to buying one.  They are identical in every way, same number of rooms, same size gardens, same price, etc.  But one is beautifully decorated, the gardens are well tended, the outside is immaculate and the other has peeling paint, rotten windows and weeds all over the garden.  Which one are you going to buy? 

The same is true in the workplace.  People will always gravitate towards someone who is well dressed and groomed, as that makes them feel as if they are in safe hands.

One of my favourite designers, Muccia Prada said, “What you wear is how you present yourself to the world, especially today, when human contacts are so quick, fashion is instant language”.

Covid and working from home changed the dress code for work completely.  In some ways this has been a relief for a lot of people, but in other ways it has caused even more confusion and self-doubt, as the unspoken rules are now so wide open, we are not sure where we are. 

“Normcore” as it became known, is however, now being replaced by “corpcore”, a smarter more tailored look, which is also spilling into everyday wear.  Putting on armour in the form of a smart suit, gives both a sense of comfort and an invincibleness that projects confidence and self-assuredness. 

This new (old) way of dressing projects self confidence and a sense of capability, which will give you an edge over the competition immediately.  And isn’t it better to feel empowered in what you wear, rather than slouching around in sweatpants and hoodies, or the like?  Isn’t it also better to have a definition between what you wear for lounging and socialising and what you wear to work?  I can remember the wonderful feeling of casting off my school uniform in the evenings and putting on jeans and a top to enjoy my leisure time! 

Self-expression is always a good thing – one of the most important things I teach in style coaching is to find out who you really are and dress for that person – and I think that women especially are allowing themselves to be more feminine and vulnerable and not dressing like men would in the workplace, or how they think men would dress if they were women!

Therefore, your brand, whether you are in business for yourself, or you are working for a firm, must be given a lot of thought and the work put in, as what you wear is your “shop window”, it is showing people how professional you are, that they can trust you and that they are safe in your hands.

Your work wear might well be a smarter version of your leisure wear, or might be a completely different vibe.  Work out what your capsule work wardrobe will look like and build on that.  Look at other colleagues for inspiration, or go on to sites like Pinterest to get ideas of how you want to look.

If you find that the dress code needed is a bit dull and boring for you, look for ways to liven it up with jewellery and accessories, or a jazzy tie or socks, to make your work wear feel more “you”.

It is well worth investing in well made pieces in good quality fabrics for your work wear.  Remember that they are going to be worn a lot and go through a lot!  You will be commuting in them, sitting for hours, leaning on desks, getting in and out of cars, buses, trains, etc.  So, fabrics that crease, pull, shine or bag, are not only going to last for less time, but will annoy you and make you feel crumpled within no time!

Italian brands always give value for money. They are always well cut and made to last. If you want to be well dressed and have an edge on your colleagues, then this is the way to go!

Shoes are the other thing to invest in.  Comfort and style can go hand in hand, and a good, clean shoe, is something people always notice.

Even if you work from home, don’t be tempted into gym clothes or pyjama styles.  It has been proven that dressing like this affects your work attitude.  And, honestly, what is the difference between working from home and going to the office, apart from the fact that you might only be seen from the waist up?!  If you dress for yourself, rather than for other people, then of course you should dress smartly for work, wherever you are – if you don’t respect yourself, then who else will?  The clothes don’t have to be “over the top” smart, but they should still make you feel good about yourself.  As with shoes, style and comfort can still go hand in hand!

Whatever you decide on for your work “brand”, there are certain criteria you should bear in mind –

• If you work for a company, then their dress code, spoken or unspoken, should be adhered to out of respect to the company and to yourself.  This is the same if you are an entrepreneur in a certain industry, you might want to reflect what your “tribe” wears. For instance, if you work as a business coach, turning up to your clients dressed as a punk rocker might be a bit unnerving!

• Your outfits should be comfortable and fit for purpose.  You don’t want to be spending your day pulling down a skirt hem or fiddling with a too tight shirt collar.

• You should feel able to walk into any situation dressed as you are, from a board meeting to a casual client lunch, so you feel confident and empowered.

  
  

So – what do you feel about the clothes you currently wear to work in?  What changes could you make to be the best version of yourself and feel empowered whatever the situation? What tweaks could you make so you have a “professional wardrobe” and a “leisure wardrobe”?

 If you would like to find out more about finding your personal brand image, then Click Here for more information. I would be honoured to help you!

How To Edit Your Wardrobe - The Curated Closet

Help! I have nothing to wear! - women 50 plus

The change of seasons is a fantastic time to re-look at your closet and decide what you wear, what you don’t wear and what you need to update your look and fill those gaps.

I am sure you have heard this time and time again, but do you look in your closet and it is crammed full of clothes, but you still feel you have nothing to wear?

Or is your closet full of clothes that went with another lifestyle?  Maybe you have just retired, and you have lots of clothes, but they suit a corporate lifestyle and not your new adventures.

What we usually mean when we say we have nothing to wear, is that we have nothing to wear for the person we are today. 

Doing a closet edit is therapeutic, cathartic and can completely change your day-to-day life and the way you view clothes and makes getting dressed in the morning something enjoyable, instead of being stressful and time-consuming.  Because, getting dressed in the morning is something that we all must do, each day, every day (mostly!), so why does it become such an issue with us all?

Well, this is partly to do with our own body image and how we view ourselves.  If we hate our bodies and the way we look, then whatever we take out of our closet is going to be viewed as an enemy – it is just going to compound our own views on our bodies.  We will try and dress to cover up, trying to make ourselves invisible, but all the time just making ourselves look bigger and more frumpy and keeping the cycle of self-loathing alive and kicking

If we have a closet full of clothes that don’t fit, either too big or too small, then every time we look at them, they are going to be constant triggers that we think our bodies are not good enough and our self-worth will plummet.  We then pull out the one outfit that we feel “ok” in, but constant use renders this boring and the cycle of “I have nothing to wear” starts.  This is then fuelled when we go shopping for new clothes, as we will then tend to buy exactly the same thing again, because we know we feel “ok” in it, so it makes sense – again adding to the cycle!

By first addressing the body image issues we have, which is a huge part of Style Coaching, we can then start to look at the clothes in the closet and weed them out.  Being honest with how they make us feel and acknowledging that we need to let go of them and dress for our bodies now, not in some mythical future when we feel better about ourselves or have lost that weight, and this will be so incredibly liberating!

Another reason why we might have a closet full of clothes we can’t wear is because we have spent a lot of money on something, but when we got it home it didn’t really fit our body shape, or maybe our lifestyle.  Guilt then comes crashing in, having wasted money on it – or maybe it was a gift and you feel you can’t get rid of it – and every time you see it in your closet, that guilt is triggered, again adding to self-loathing.

So, you can see why a wardrobe edit is so important!  It can be emotional.  It can be hard work.  But it is worth it. 

You might end up with only a handful of things left to wear, but they will be things that make you feel good, happy and your best self.  They will also be items that fit your lifestyle and your style personality, so you are actually dressing for yourself and the life you want, rather than being an imposter in your own clothes.

And then you can start to build on what you have.  You will begin to know what suits you, what you need to buy to fill in the gaps in your wardrobe and will have a specific plan for whenever go shopping.  This makes the whole experience far more enjoyable and less stressful as you have specifics to go for.

Isn’t it worth the pain of a few hours to create an easier morning routine for yourself and start to build up your confidence and dress for your best life?

If you would like to know about closet edits, or would like to book one with me - click here for more information! I would be honoured to go on this journey with you!

You might like to read - https://www.stylemeitalian.com/blog to get excited about your clothes!